ask_aboutcoffee: THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT LETTER. PLZ ADVISE.

Ianto Jones (

ask_aboutcoffee) wrote,
@ 2009-05-25 08:38:00

Entry tags:

his name is max, jack harkness has nice teeth, problems i have, ways i could die

THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT LETTER. PLZ ADVISE.
DEAR CAPTAIN JACK,

I wish you to answer these questions in the order in which they appear.

1. Why did I wake up still in a suit under my blanket cocoon this morning with a screaming hangover?

2. Why don't I remember large portions of last night after we left the pub?

3. Why is Max wearing a top hat?

4. WHAT IS THIS DOING ON MY FINGER?

5. IS IT IN FACT A PART OF THIS HUMOROUS WEDDING-BAND SET? The companion to which is on your "nightstand"? (honestly Jack an upended steamer trunk...)

Thank you for giving me the bolt.

6. Did we get married last night, or just inadvisably drunk at which point we decided this would be funny?

I am not going to be Ianto Bran Harkness-Jones, that is too bloody much name for one person.

Please reply immediately. Yours sincerely,

Ianto Jones

PS: If I got cheated out of a stag night you are a dead man. At least twice.

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(575 comments) - (Post a new comment)

	used_songs 2009-05-25 01:42 pm UTC (link)
	Congratulations? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	ask_aboutcoffee 2009-05-25 01:53 pm UTC (link)
	No! This is weird! And I was feeling territorial, not -- not committal! (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	blametorchwood 2009-05-25 01:45 pm UTC (link)
	Last time I saw you, you were wearing the top hat. The dog was not wearing the ring. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	ask_aboutcoffee 2009-05-25 01:53 pm UTC (link)
	I DEFINITELY DID NOT MARRY MAX. Jack just likes to put celebratory hats on him. WHAT ARE WE CELEBRATING. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	pure_morning_8 2009-05-25 01:47 pm UTC (link)
	Awh. Isn't Jack thoughtful. Congratulations, btw. When's the baby due? Edited at 2009-05-25 01:47 pm UTC (Reply to this) (Thread)

	ask_aboutcoffee 2009-05-25 01:54 pm UTC (link)
	No no no no no. NO BABY. Max wouldn't like it! (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	ask_aboutcoffee 2009-05-25 01:54 pm UTC (link)
	WE DIDN'T! OR maybe we did, I DON'T KNOW. MARTHA HELP ME. Don't decorate! Presents mean it's irreversible! (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	ask_aboutcoffee 2009-05-25 02:08 pm UTC (link)
	OAK TREE? TUX SHOPPE? Three times? What? There's a ring on my finger, Jack! Did anyone see you walk around the oak tree? STOP SMILING YOUR TEETH ARE TOO BRIGHT. Ow my head. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	taffimai 2009-05-25 02:04 pm UTC (link)
	If you DID get married last night, I'm afraid to think about what Jack could possibly be up to this morning that has him out of the Hub. Unless he's hiding. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	ask_aboutcoffee 2009-05-25 02:09 pm UTC (link)
	He might be topside. I'm busy moaning in agony and fear under his office. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	elliptic_eye 2009-05-25 02:15 pm UTC (link)
	Don't worry, Ianto. Weddings don't actually mean anything; my parents taught me. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	ask_aboutcoffee 2009-05-25 02:16 pm UTC (link)
	They do so! They mean -- Well, they mean.... They mean you have to wear a ring and stuff. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	oh_doask 2009-05-25 02:22 pm UTC (link)
	JESUS FUCK JACK! I WAS MID-ORGANIZATIONAL FRENZY FOR THE FUCKING STAG NIGHT! Could've waited, asshole. WTF am I supposed to tell the strippers now? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	blametorchwood 2009-05-25 02:23 pm UTC (link)
	Oh, don't cancel the strippers. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	1_mad_squirrel 2009-05-25 02:27 pm UTC (link)
	I'm going with "it's all a big joke" if that makes you feel better, Ianto. Then again, if you two did get married, won't Her Majesty be offended that she wasn't invited? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	ask_aboutcoffee 2009-05-25 02:29 pm UTC (link)
	Given that it appeared to happen in a park after midnight, I think she would forgive us. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	starstealingirl 2009-05-25 02:37 pm UTC (link)
	I believe the phrase is "'til death do us part." Therefore, if you kill Jack, you won't be married anymore! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	blametorchwood 2009-05-25 02:39 pm UTC (link)
	Oh, be serious. If Harkness (Jones-Harkness?) turns up dead, we'll be interrogating the spouse first. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	gwen_e_cooper 2009-05-25 03:05 pm UTC (link)
	Rhys has ceased laughing long enough to ring the pub and they're putting on a party spread. Wait. Ianto? Your middle name is Bran? Like fibre-filled cereal? It isn't, is it? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	ask_aboutcoffee 2009-05-25 03:09 pm UTC (link)
	IT IS NOT, It's Bran like the mythological fucking hero thank you very much! (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	oh_doask 2009-05-25 03:12 pm UTC (link)
	SCREW THE BOLT IN WHILE YOU BOTH WEAR THE RINGS! I'LL LOL!!! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	ask_aboutcoffee 2009-05-25 03:12 pm UTC (link)
	Pervert! (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

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	bone_lady 2009-05-25 03:21 pm UTC (link)
	Wow Ianto, congrats again. Was this a pwn moment? Wait did Jack pwn you without knowing? Wait how did I miss this? Oh yeah...damn parchment...or wait...I remember having some Pimm's and there was a... Oh.wow.you did get married. Um...I think Holmes may want his hat back from Max now. Sorry about that. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	ask_aboutcoffee 2009-05-25 03:46 pm UTC (link)
	OH GOD I'VE BEEN PWNED. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	szm 2009-05-25 03:24 pm UTC (link)
	You got cheated out of a stag night. I got cheated out of an excuse to buy a big hat! (This is of course why people get married, so I can buy a big hat) Anyway, congratulations! Max looks adorable in his top hat. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	ask_captainjack 2009-05-25 03:26 pm UTC (link)
	There was no cheating going on. I merely saw a strategic advantage and took it! That's how I got my Chula ship too! (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	hab318princess 2009-05-25 04:02 pm UTC (link)
	Soppy romantic that I am, congratulations! And I think Ianto Harkness-Jones sounds beautiful! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	ask_captainjack 2009-05-25 04:07 pm UTC (link)
	SO DO I! It will make things easier when I introduce him at a crime scene. "This is my butler and secretary: Harkness-Jones. Ianto Harkness-Jones. Senior Junior Agent Harkness-Jones. Don't you love the hyphenation? And I'm Captain Jack Harkness, by the way. This is all written on my card so please take one." (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	paragraphs 2009-05-25 04:29 pm UTC (link)
	Wow. Those rings almost make me want to get married. Almost. Congratulations? I think? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	ask_aboutcoffee 2009-05-25 04:32 pm UTC (link)
	I...I think so. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	ask_sigerson 2009-05-25 04:38 pm UTC (link)
	May I offer my sincere congratulations. Very odd circumstances, but these things do happen. I did have a case of two individuals who hadn't a clue they were married until years later, when one wished to married. He went to apply and what a surprise to learned he had been married four years. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	ask_aboutcoffee 2009-05-25 04:41 pm UTC (link)
	I don't think there's been any paperwork filed. Still, Jack's not known for his inconsistent temperament. He's still wearing something he was issued seventy years ago. I think I'm stuck with it. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)